Choose you During Pregnancy and Postpartum
How are YOU doing?
Not baby, YOU.
So often during pregnancy and postpartum, the focus is so much on the baby that people forget to ask about the person who gave birth. And that includes ourselves! How often do we put ourselves on the backburner to make sure that baby is ok or our spouse/significant other is ok, or grandma is ok, or etc etc.
Even as a doula, who focuses on postpartum women and tells them to take care of themselves…even I find it hard (as a pregnant woman) to find time for those basic things that are needed for my own selfcare.
When you ignore your body’s needs, whether that be physical, mental, nutritional, spiritual, or otherwise, at some point your body will make you meet those needs and it won’t be on your own terms.
For instance, if you aren’t getting enough sleep and you aren’t eating because you have a newborn and not enough support, and you were the one who always did all the cooking and now its just you on 2 hrs of sleep and a granola bar trying to manage the whole world…..something will break. You will get sick, your mental health will struggle, you may fall asleep in an unsafe way with the baby.
You need to prioritize your needs!
And I know that is easier said than done, but I’m going to give you my top three tips on getting through pregnancy and postpartum while keeping your basic needs met!
Bring a Caddy with you
What do I mean by that? I would have a little basket near you, or one of these .
In it have things like diapers, wipes, snacks for you, a water bottle, a notebook to write things down like pees and poops, the remote, maybe a kindle. Anything that you will need while you are nap trapped with a baby so that you can stay hydrated.Make a freezer meal stash of food
Having meals in your freezer ready to go instead of having to meal prep each day is so helpful. These days people are even having freezer meal parties where friends and family either bring the ingredients with them to make at your place, or they make a freezer meal for you and you just plop it in your freezer!
Some of my favorite freezer meals were:
Stuffed Shells
Shepherds Pie
Stuffed CabbageAllow others to help!
Whether you hire help or have friends and families to help, it is so important to allow yourself to receive that help. Now I know sometimes the “help” you receive is less than helpful! So!
What you can do when someone says they want to come over to help is to give them a specific task you need help with and if necessary show them how to do it. So, maybe you need the diapers restocked or you need the dishes done, or you need the oven preheated and the food put in the oven. All of these things are pretty simple tasks to give someone that you otherwise would have to do.
Now one sticking point for me was the laundry. I had a specific way I folded laundry to fit in our dressers and I always was refolding it after others folded it for me. I eventually realized how stupid that was, so I asked my mother in law and mother (and husband) to watch me fold it and showed them how to fold my laundry. They didn’t mind doing it the way I needed it done, but didn’t realize I was refolding it after they were done. It was easy enough to show them vs doing extra work. If you have a task that you like done a certain way, just ask them! If they really want to help and support you they will do it how you ask.
You can also hire folks like cleaners, organizers, nannies, and postpartum doulas to support you in different ways during your pregnancy and postpartum. Ask for gift cards for those services at your baby shower! It really will make a difference to not have to do it all alone.
I hope this was helpful! The bottom line is you have to take care of yourself. You matter so much to so many people, and sometimes its hard for them to know just how to help you, especially when they are blinded by the adorableness of a newborn. Just give some gentle nudges to those who you need help from and remember to keep your basic needs met at minimum! Much love to you all!
If you’d like to connect with our group of parents and providers, check out DigiDoula Village!